As most of you know, I lost my father in 2014 just before Christmas. Up till now I have been holding it together pretty well I think.
My family has been doing their thing. We each have good days and bad. Charlene works her at her business every day. Debbie is dealing with her business and trying to close the estate of her husband Gale's mom and dad that passed away this past year. She also writes beautiful poetry. Shawn is working and taking care of his family and coaching his boys in their sports. My mom is spending time with her quilting, the hockey team and friends.
I have been quilting, sewing, taking care of my dogs, taking care of Michael my husband (he had major back surgery in November of 2015) and just all around yard work. Lately I have been having a hard time getting interested in much of anything. My interest in things I love to do just is not there. Had not been sure why, but last night I think it finally came to me. We were sitting watching on demand and caught an episode of Bones where her father died, and guess what happened to this big strong girl... I lost it. I cried and cried. I guess the time was right and it was what I needed to do.
Today I am better, a little teary eyed still but holding my own. I keep thinking of that awful night. I sat beside Dad and held his hand. He looked so peaceful. His breathing became so labored. The nurse gave him some pain medication to help his breathing and he slipped away to heaven.
It was so simple. So elegant. So quiet. So peaceful.
He is, was and always will be my hero. Being beside him when he slipped away to watch over us and keep us safe, was a gift. I have tried to think of his leaving as the reason I became a nurse. I was there for him each and every day till the end. I helped turn him, wash his face, comb his hair as did my family. I did everything I have been trained to do, for one of the people who means the world to me. I was there when he spoke last, I saw his last smile, I was there for his last breath.
Now some people may think what I have written is a little morbid. Not so. I have had this bottled up inside me for a long time. My father was a huge part of my world and that day my world came crashing down around me. I tried to be strong for the rest of my family, and especially for my mom. I know how hard this hit her. They were together for over 61 years. I cannot imagine what that would be like.
So now it is my turn for tears. Ones of sadness for his loss, ones of joy because he was my dad and ones of relief for knowing he is watching over me. I love you Dad. You made my life so special having you in it. I will always miss you. You will always be part of my life. The life I have is because of what you taught me. You are my hero. And now there are tears.
