My hero

Have any of you ever had a feeling that you had read something for a specific reason?  I am talking about something that you would not have ordinarily taken the time to read.  Something that did not or would not usually catch your eye.   Stories like these can shape your ideas about things.  They can take what you have always believed to be true and turn it upside down.  That is what happened to me tonight while reading facebook.  There it was, a story that would turn my world upside down and tear at my heart strings forever. 

Now, many of you that know me, have heard me talk about my dad.  He is my hero and became even more so, about 10 years ago.  About that time, he made a trip to the doctor for his annual (ya right) checkup at the insistence of my mom.  Well that is the day that his life changed forever.  A simple checkup.  Your regular run of the mill checkup.   A trip to town to see the doctor.  Wow what an eye opener that turned out to be.  Who wanted to hear the "C" word.  Maybe it was, maybe it was wasn't.  Now the testing begins.

I was on, what seemed like, the other side of the world.  I live about 2000 mile from my family.  When I got the message about the PSA being elevated, my world as I knew it stopped.  I cried for days.   I could not lose my dad.  He is everything to me.   If something happened to him, I know I would die.   I was lost.  I was speechless (and that is something that is hard to do).   Now you have to know, I am a nurse and have in my lifetime, never felt so helpless.   I had questions about everything.   You would think I would know the answers but, when you have something like this happen to one of your own, you lose all forms of intelligence.   I could not have told you how it happens, what makes it grow, or how people get cancer.   I felt stupid and useless. 

He started treatment and has over the past 10 years done really well.  The treatment was not so great.  The radiation treatments made him sick.  He had to be away from home to get the treatments, so being somewhere other than home for six weeks, and sick to boot was not the greatest thing.  He was a trooper through it all and followed what the doctors told him(knowing him, probably with a lot of apprehension and a lot of questions).  Since then he has had great check ups and the results of his lab tests were good.  That was 10 years ago.  Then came the second week of May this year.

Off to the doctor for the blood tests.   Home to wait.  The results came back and were given.  The PSA is up.  Now what?  More chemo?  More radiation?  Is that even an option?  Where do we go from here?   Too many things are happening to my family.   We have tried to do good in our lives.  We were taught to be nice and respect others.   Why is this happening to us?  Why my dad?  He has always tried to be a good father, husband and friend.   I just want to know, why him?  Why us?  Answers, I just want answers. 

I dream of days when nothing was wrong, when life was simple and your only worry was how you were going to get to the movies.   I want my old life back.  No bills, no worries, no sickness (except the odd cold or childhood malady),  hugs from my mom and dad, trips with us all together.   Now life sticks its ugly head in again and throws us another curve ball.   Enough is enough.   I thought the idea was to have fun and spend time making your kids sick of you.  Come on mom and dad, lets see if you can do it.   Bring it on!!!!!  We will fight this as a family.   We stick together as a family through thick and thin.  

My dad and I had a really great talk recently.  Some of the things we talked about were not things that I would have wanted to talk about, but I am glad we spoke of all of the things we did.  I feel more confident ever day that we will get this back under control.   Laying down is not something my family does easily.  We are fighters, but what happens when you just get tired of fighting?  I am trying hard to keep a positive outlook and am trying to encourage him to do the same.   We will do whatever is needed to push this nasty little irritation back down.   My dad is my hero.  He has over the years provided all the love and care in the world.   He is always there for us and has never asked for anything in return.  Well, Dad it's my turn now.  I love you and will do whatever I can to help you through this.  I will hold your hand and stroke your forehead, just like you did for me.  I will pick you up if you stumble and fall.  I will do whatever it takes.   Anything, anything at all.  You don't have to ask, I will just be there.  You are my rock and my hero.  This is for you

My dad, my rock

Only days away,

Only mountains between,

It's only space,

Hearts are big,

Love is long,

The will is strong,

We are together as one,

Forever and Always,

My dad, my rock

written by
Laura Leach