How many of you have actually had the opportunity to use a commode, either by putting someone else on it or using it yourself? Have you see anyone else on one? Well I am here to give you some of the do's and don'ts of commode etiquette.
My day started like any other. Up at 5pm to get ready for work, of course not knowing what tonight was going to bring. I am a firm believer that if you work in the medical field at all, you should never go without a spare set of scrubs hiding in your locker (or where ever you stash things)....
The normal fun stuff happened throughout the night, changing beds, getting linens, walking people, passing meds and getting ice. OMG who would of thought getting ice would become such a big deal..... Before I go on, I want to give you a little background on the use of commodes and the types that are available.
1. Normal size commodes come in a array of colors and most adjust to different heights for comfort. The pail can be removed and the seat itself moved over a toilet for better comfort and stability.
2. Large commodes accommodate people who are a little more robust in size and girth. All of the above applies to them as well.
3. Big Boy commodes will handle most everyone else. These commodes are for the extremely robust in size and girth. These wonders will handle people that are well over the 300 lb. mark with ease and dignity.
Now before you go to put anyone on a commode, you are suppose to give an educated guess as to whether they need size # 1, 2 or 3..... This particular night I will describe, that was not done as accurately as it might have been.
I was walking down the hall to retrieve a large glass of ice for one of my patients. This is done on a regular basis throughout the day and night. On this particular night, while walking past the last room on the way to the sun room,(where everything related to food is kept) I did somewhat of a double take when walking past that particular room. As a matter of safety, I tend to look into each and every room when I walk down the halls. Not to be nosey, (well maybe a little) but to check on each patient to make sure no one has fallen or is needing anything.
Now I have seen some strange, and or funny things in my long years of nursing, but what I saw this night made me do a double take and stand and stare. I stood outside this particular room and while looking in, I saw the curtain just slightly open. Behind the partially open curtain I could see a rather rotund gentleman sitting or should I say jammed onto a bedside commode. Now I usually have a fairly mild demeanor, but this picture made me burst out laughing.(of course, I had moved my laughing jiggling butt to the room next door). This poor soul had wedged himself into the rails of the commode chair, making himself look as though someone had use a shoe horn to get him there. There were roles pushing out of every open area on the commode, and what was not poking through was spilling over the top rail. As one person put it, "trying to put 40 pounds of s**t in a 10 pound bag. We all giggled rather loudly after that statement.
Then came the really tough part. How do we get him off of it. I was not there for that part, but from what we were told, it took some rather fancy finagling to de-wedge the poor guy. Thing was, we laughed about the whole thing, because he was not one of the most pleasant of characters to begin with. I guess there is that thing called Karma that come back to bite you in the ass when your nasty to someone. His Karma, was getting his fat ass stuck on the commode. Took three tries to get up off of it. Luckily we found a big boy commode for his use from then on. (don't think any of us could have kept a straight face if we would have had to go through that again.)
Now the bad thing about commodes is (and this is why you should always have a change of scrubs), they can tip and spill all over the floor, you , your shoes, and your clothes. It is hard to get a set of scrubs from hospitals now. I guess because people have absconded with them for so long, now you have to sign your life away to get a set. I just keep one in my car or in my locker. We were lucky this particular night. No spillage happened, thank god. He did however try to hit one of my favorite techs shoes while transferring from the bed to the commode. OMG she would have thrown them away had that happened. She is a farm girl, but cow crap is wayyyyy different than people poop. Love ya girl, nights are not the same without you!!!!
Anyway, you have to keep a stiff upper lip when people use the commode. No giggling allowed. No scrunching your nose. No yucky faces due to smell. You just go in, deal with the job that has to be done and leave. Laughing is not allowed, unless you are out of ear shot of the user. Life deals us so little to make us happy. Funny how something as mundane as sitting on a chair can leave you rolling on the floor laughing. You do have to remember though, us night people are a different crew. We have sick senses of humor and really warped ideas of what is funny and what isn't. Give us a fat boy on a commode and you will keep us happy for hours. We are sick, but fun. Welcome to the kingdom of the commode.
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